The one constancy in life that we can all count on is that of impermanence. No matter what, we can always count on change. Every one of us is born, will live our lives, and will eventually pass away. Throughout this journey we dive into different paths that shape who we are and who we become.
At times, as we move through life's journey, we experience stress. Stress and suffering comes from our resistance to change, our attempt to control, and our desire to cling to that which is known. When I try to control change I become anxious and frustrated. But when I give myself the freedom to watch my life change and to witness my lack of control that accompanies change, transitions flow.
This brings me to the question, "If everything in reality is impermanent, is there anything that exists yet never changes?" I believe so. Some people call this God; others call this the highest Self, or Nature. I believe that at the end of every day I can always come back to my life long investigation for my highest Self. This is my Truth. When everything is changing - when people pass away, when I lose a good friend, when I feel alone - I come back to that which supports me. My yoga and self-care practice provides me with the steady base that I can count on during transition. The practice is always there for me when I need it. When I embark on a big change, I ask myself, "What will hold me when I need support?"
I have just commenced some major life changes: separating from my boyfriend of 7.5 years, quitting my job, leaving the wonderful DC yoga community, moving by myself to Richmond, and returning to school full-time for my doctorate in physical therapy. I'm so full of emotions. I'm excited and thrilled. Scared and anxious. Confused and loaded with questions. Where will I live? What will it mean to be a student once again? Will I feel safe living on my own? What's it like to be single? Will I have any free time? Will I be happy?
Through this transition I notice my lack of control over life's events. I can plan (and boy am I a planner), but things will happen in their own way and in their own time. While I don't know how life will play out, I do know how to support myself along the way.
I'm taking one day at a time slowly and mindfully aware of all the beautiful and frightening change. I'm inviting a feeling of acceptance for what is to come without trying to control everything. [This is the toughest part!] My journey has begin in tears and in laughter. By allowing myself to feel all of my emotions I am able to understand what I need to support myself. For 7.5 years I depended on my boyfriend for support. As we are separating, I've needed to find another source of support. While I need time with friends and family, I have an even greater need for time alone with a strong meditation and pranayam practice. Still, there are days that I'm too anxious to sit still for practice. By creating space to notice this resistance, I've found a solution: I now go for a long run before I sit. Running in the natural landscape of DC has been the emotional release I've needed to open up to my inner stillness. Often I find that my mind wanders during meditation, yet I acknowledge this struggle for what it truly is...the days when I need my practice the most.
Guaranteed it isn't easy leaving my joyful life for an unknown journey. Still my hope is that this transition will end in growth, laughter, and self compassion for any bumps I find along the way. Below is a practice that I have been doing daily to help ground myself during this transition. It's also helpful to remind myself (in the words of Sudhir Jonathan Foust), that this is really just an AFGO "Another Freakin' Growth Opportunity" as is the rest of life.
Metta - Loving Kindness Meditation
At the end of every meditation, or when I need a pick-me-up in the middle of the day, I practice metta. I begin by inviting my eyes to soften and I welcome a gentle smile to my lips. Then with my eyes closed, I silently repeat this Buddhist metta meditation to myself:
May I feel protected and safe.
May I be contented and pleased.
May my physical body support me with health and strength.
May life unfold smoothly with ease.